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A journey with God from China.
by Hanna Zhu
I started searching for something profound and beautiful, something good and sound, as a world view and a life philosophy when I was a teenager. I was born in a loving family in Mainland China during the Cultural Revolution that occurred from 1966-1976. During my teenage years, I was interested in reading poetry, novels, and philosophy.
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Though my parents were very caring and devoted, I had a sense of dissatisfaction with what my larger environment could offer me—the country that survived the Cultural Revolution was still trying to recover from a total destruction in all realms of society: suffocated economy, minimized cultural and intellectual activities, and a deprivation of a value system that resulted from the eradication of traditional values and shattered trust in communism. I dreamed about becoming a writer. I studied English during my early twenties, sensing language was the key to understanding a culture. I was curious about the Western Civilization which I encountered in my reading. I read
I Have a Dream by Martin Luther King, Jr. I was deeply moved by it and memorized much of it. I did not know King was a Christian Pastor, and his noble ideals were inspired by God’s Word.
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...I had a
sense of dissatisfaction with what
my larger environment could offer me... |
In the spring of 1989, the Tiananmen Square protest happened. The whole country was in a watching, reflecting, and responding mode. All walks of life had protested in the streets of Beijing to show support to the student sit-in in the Tiananmen Square. I made an attempt to travel to Beijing to join the protest, only to be thwarted by my dear father who dragged me out of the train station.
I had some encounters with
a few Chinese
and Western Christians in my medium-sized
home town of a million inhabitants...
I was learning
about things that might provide an answer to my
quest all these
years. |
The next spring, I was diagnosed with a heart muscle virus infection and stayed in the hospital for three months. During my hospital stay, I wrote an autobiography. I also wrote stories, plays, and poems to express my desires, inner restlessness, and the search for a sense of purpose—all within the context of an atheist society that denied the goodness and much of the voice of any religion, and the Western poetry and philosophies I read did not seem to answer my questions about who I am, why I am here, and where I am going. I also came to the realization that my dream of becoming a famous writer did not seem possible, so I gave up after a while.
I had some
encounters with a few Chinese and Western Christians in my
medium-sized home town of a million inhabitants, which had one
church at each side of the city. I visited both churches a few times
and was impressed by the spiritual atmosphere. I also remembered the
words on the wall in one of the churches, saying “神是爱” (God is
love). It engraved in my mind though I did not know exactly what it
meant. One day I met a guy who invited me to climb a mountain by the
universities in the city. Now I do not remember how I got to know
him and I do not even remember his name. But while standing on the
bus to the mountain, he told me that he was a Christian and he was
going to sing a love song to me that he wrote for God. Then he
started singing on the bus. He also told me that his girlfriend was
a Buddhist, but now she was considering becoming a Christian. While
climbing the mountain, he told me that he had a friend who was an
art professor at one of the universities at the foot of the mountain
and he was very unhappy about his life and was meditating in the
Buddhist temple in the mountain. He said he was going to visit him
and tell him about God. |
Then I had my first Bible study with an American English teacher at a university in my hometown. I did it not only because I was curious about the Bible, but also wanted to practice my English. After two Bible study sessions, I came to the United States. I studied special education at Illinois State University. I was soon invited by an American Christian girl to an InterVarsity Fellowship meeting on campus. Then I was invited to attend Bible studies and church by people there. I enjoyed going because I sensed that I was learning about things that might provide an answer to my quest all these years. And I was asking a lot of questions. I continued to study, think, and talk about God. I was greatly interested but determined that I would only become a Christian after all my questions were answered. Then one night I participated in a poetry pageant hosted by the school. After reading a poem reflecting my life, I had an overwhelming sense of nakedness and sin that I never experienced before. I felt that I had to invite Jesus to cleanse me and wrap me with his righteousness. I realized that I needed redemption. I quickly found my InterVarsity friends who were socializing in the dining hall after their meeting. After I told them what happened, we joined our hands and prayed. With tears in my eyes, I professed the Lordship of Jesus Christ in my life. A friend told me that the angels were having a big party right now in heaven about my decision. That was April 4, 2002. And a month later, I was baptized.
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After graduation in 2003, I moved to East Carolina University to work as a residence hall coordinator. I spent almost all my spare time studying about God. I visited churches of different denominations, had dialogues with different people, and read books on Christianity. I visited a handful of churches but always moved on to a new church after participating for a period of time, though I really wanted to find a church home. Then in December 2005, I visited a non-denominational charismatic church. Their spirit-filled worship style led me to participate in the worship emotionally. Going to church was an intense yet freeing experience for me. Now I realize the experience of worshipping with different denominations enriched my experience with God.
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Along the journey,
I have come across many beautiful Christians, whose lives serve as
shining examples of
Christian faith and Christian living. |
Along the journey, I have come across many beautiful Christians, whose lives serve as shining examples of Christian faith and Christian living. One person who has the biggest influence on me is Laureen Tedesco, a Children’s literature professor at East Carolina University. Her love for God, devotion to prayer and fasting, and a desire to be used by God made a huge impact on me. Books by Henri Nouwen, Richard Foster, and books about Mother Teresa and great missionaries such as Hudson Taylor, also decisively enlarged my understanding of who God is and how to practice my faith. It gave me a deeper appreciation of God’s transforming power in his love and guided me to find my purpose in him and to live a faithful and fruitful life. I started to experience growth by reading, praying, tithing, witnessing to the Chinese students at the university, and participating in a world missions group.
In the summer of 2006, I reflected on my career path and felt a sense of discontentment in my job. I wanted to work for God. So I prayed this simple prayer: “God, I’d like to give my life to you. Please show me the direction.” After a week, I had a desire to check out some seminaries. Eleanor Hartman, an alumnus of the Baptist Theological Seminary at Richmond, was introduced to me by a mutual friend. I met Eleanor and she pointed me to BTSR. Until this day, she serves as a wonderful mentor that God blessed me with on my walk with him. After visiting BTSR, Union Theological Seminary, and the Duke Divinity School, I decided to attend BTSR. I have finished my first year at BTSR and enjoyed the study very much. Last November I joined the First Baptist Church of Richmond. Since I do not have a car, my friend Janie Smith, whom I met in one of the church’s restrooms, takes me to church every Sunday.
I remember that when I started searching for truth in Christianity, I had in mind that I would like to become a better person. But what is good? God let me take a deeper glimpse of his divine goodness as I walk with him day by day. And I believe that his goodness is far bigger than my wildest imagination. I searched restlessly in a country where God was not discussed or even mentioned, like a blind person struggling in the dark. Yet the Good Teacher, out of his compassion and mercy, decided to reveal to me who he is so that I could have a relationship with him through a string of persons and a series of events. From China he led me to the States; from working at a university in North Carolina he led me to becoming a seminarian in Virginia. I never dreamed during my early dreaming years that I would be where I am now. And I cannot dream what would lie ahead of me. But I believe and trust that I will only be led to experience the grandeur of his light and love more fully, as the Psalmist exclaims: “Glorious are you, more majestic than the everlasting mountains” (76:4). May my life be a doxology to the LORD. May I taste his goodness a bit more each day. Amen.
1The country is now much more open to religion than 20 years ago. To know specifically Christianity in China and a general spiritual background, read the exciting and insightful book
Jesus in Beijing by David Aikman.
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