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Advent 4 – The
Many Roads of “Should”
A Sermon Preached by Dr.
James Flamming
First Baptist Church, Richmond, Va.
Dec. 19, 2004
Scripture: Galatians 4:4-6
Her name was Kirsten. She was
attending a retreat on spirituality led by Ben Campbell Johnson. Johnson teaches
at a Theological Seminary, but his passion is helping lay persons connect with
God. As Kirsten told Johnson her story, she explained that she had been away
from the church for about 20 years. But as her three children were growing up
she felt she should expose them to the church.
One Christmas Eve she decided it was
time. She loaded up the children and set off to find a church service to
remember the birth of Christ. Remarkably, not a church in the town she lived was
having a service that night. But she was determined. When the family returned
home she looked for a Bible to read the Christmas story aloud to the children.
She couldn’t find one anywhere. She ended up reading to them about Christmas
from the encyclopedia. Shortly thereafter she and her family became part of a
local church.
That was three years ago. She was
doing what she thought she should. She was bringing the children to church,
helping with the youth, helping with the homeless. But the question was what she
was doing for herself. A spiritual hunger had not been satisfied within her. She
needed more. She asked Johnson, “What do you think about me and God?” He
affirmed all she was doing but then said, “I find myself wondering if you are
dancing around God’s deeper invitations. Do you often feel empty and alone?” She
nodded. But changed the subject.
Kirsten, you see, was doing everything
she thought she should do for her children. But when it came to tending her own
spiritual needs, she was dancing around the issue of her personal relationship
with the Lord. She was trying to be satisfied by the tyranny of the should.
If I were to ask you, “What is it that
pushes you to get everything done at Christmas time? What is the inner driver
that demands of you that your Christmas list be finished, the cakes baked, the
cards mailed, the presents bought? I would call it, the power of the “should.”
Of course, the should
motivates us all months of the year. People tell us what we should do. Our
emotions tell us what we should do. Every profession has its unwritten
do’s and don’ts. Our lives can become dominated by the Tyranny of the Should.
S-H-O-U-L-D. We would not survive
without it. To be driven by should is as human as eating, drinking,
sleeping, and working. It is the road on which we walk, the platform on which we
stand, the foundation on which we live, the sign post that guides our daily
activities. This is crucial. The trouble is, it is so easy to fall into the
tyranny of the should.
The theological word for this power
is, the power of the law. The Old Testament laws tell the people what they
should do and what they should not do. The life of Saul of Tarsus, later Paul
the Apostle, was dominated by this. In Christ he found release, redemption, and
freedom. Remember Paul’s Christmas story which begins in Galatians 4:4 “When the
time had fully come, God sent his Son, born of a woman, born under the law, to
redeem those who were under the law.” Instead of law, insert, Tyranny of the
Should. Christ was born in the midst of a religion that had given itself to
the should. Paul says, Christ came to redeem those who were under the
power of the should.”
Redeem does not mean erase. Redeem
means to take what you have been given and make something good and useful even
holy out of it. Jan Karon, in her little book, Patches of Godlight,
quotes from a book written by a chef about cooking. “Oddly,” wrote the chef, “it
is not real cooks who insist that the finest ingredients are necessary to
produce a delicious something . . . Real cooks can take stale bread and aging
onions and make you happy.” That is redemption. Redemption is a God thing. God
takes the stale bread and aging onions of our lives and makes abundant life out
of it. That is what redemption is all about.
A key part of redemption is to take
us from the Ice House of the should and move us to the Warm House of
God’s love.
This is where Christmas comes in. For
Christmas promises more than another list to do’s and don’ts, another bundle of
religious rituals. Christmas promises a Savior who can link you to the source of
life, God himself. You were created to be more than simply a human machine
pushed around like you would push a baby carriage. What you need is not another
should. What you need is a Savior, who is Christ the Lord.
You may have never noticed it before,
but in the Christmas story the word should, or ought, or must is never used.
Look in Matthew 1:26-35
First there is an announcement:
But the angel said to her, ‘Do not be afraid, Mary, you have found favor with
God. You will be with child and give birth to a son, and you are to give him the
name Jesus. He will be the Son of the Most High. . .
Then there is an answer to
Mary’s question: “How will this be?” The angel answered, ‘The Holy Spirit will
come upon you, and the power of the Most High will overshadow you. So the holy
one to be born will be called the Son of God.’” Mary’s response? “I am
the Lord’s servant.” Mary answered. “May it be to me as you have said.” Then the
angel left her.
The popular imagine of Christianity is
that we are here to tell people what they should do and what they
should not do. But they miss it a thousand miles. Shoulds are human things.
Christmas is a God thing. There is not the word should anywhere in the
neighborhood. This is what God is doing, in God’s way and in God’s time.
In Gene Edwards little book called
The Birth, he imagined the real life situation of how it must have happened.
He pictures Joseph after he has heard that Mary is with child. He smashes his
mallet hard against the table, poicks it up again and throws it against the
wall. Then he kicked at the door until his foot was numb. He put his hands over
his ears and screamed at the top of his lungs. “Mary, Mary, how could you do
this. Of all the women upon the face of the earth, you of all people, how could
you do this.” Finally he falls to the floor, buries his face in the sawdust and
weeps uncontrollably. Finally he drops off to sleep and Gabriel comes to him in
a dream and says that he does not need to fear taking Mary as his wife because
this is a God thing, and the Holy Spirit is at work.
No should. No ought. No list of
directions from heaven. No new instructions from God. It is a God thing. His
ways are not our ways.
Mary he pictures as young, beautiful,
but strong and stubborn. I had never thought of Mary as stubborn. But it makes
sense. Edwards pictures Mary heavy with child, awaiting the birth of her child
any day. Joseph returns home one evening to tell Mary that he has postponed his
journey to Bethlehem to register for the Roman census. He explained that he had
plenty of time to make the journey and to register. He would go after the baby
was born and he arranged for others to come so she would feel safe and be cared
for in his absence.
Mary was quiet for a moment and then
she said, “No, you are going now and I am going with you.” Joseph looked in
disbelief. “Mary, in the name of sanity, you are nine months pregnant. Do you
think you can have that baby in Bethlehem?” Mary replies stubbornly, “I am going
with you.” To which Joseph replies, “Mary, in the name of common sense! At this
moment Bethlehem is packed. I know; I grew up there. That town has only one inn,
and it will be filled with wealthy people. Everyone else will be sleeping in the
streets.” But Mary wins out. She knows what the prophets have said about the Son
of the Most High being born in Bethlehem. Finally there is silence between them.
Joseph rose to his feet and headed for the door.
“Where are you going?”
asked Mary.
“Where am I going? I am
going to try to figure out a way to put some extra padding on a tired old donkey
so that my wife, who is at least eleven months pregnant, can have her child in a
town one hundred miles from here.” To which Mary says, “Thank you Joseph! You
are a very patient and understanding man.” For a long time Joseph just stood
there and said nothing. Then a slight smile broke across his agitated face. “Do
not thank me, Mary. Thank that angel who keeps showing up all over the place.”
Why does God by-pass the normal way of
solving problems by the usual way of plans, filled with dos and don’ts and
shoulds? Because ther are so many things that the shoulds of life cannot do and
only a living relationship with God can do.
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A should cannot create remembrance. W.H.
Auden in Night Mail wrote of those who wait for word from home, perhaps
soldiers or missionaries. “And none will hear a postman’s knock without a
quickening of the heart. For who can bear to feel himself forgotten.”
Christmas is God’s message: You are not forgotten.
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A should can not create forgiveness. It
may point a finger. It can say, “I told you so.” But it can never, with a
tear, say, “You are forgiven and I love you.”
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A should cannot sustain a relationship. A
pastor was met by an elderly woman who was visiting relatives. One of them
mentioned that she had lost her husband of forty years. The Pastor said, “I’m
so sorry. I’m sure it is very hard for you.” She thought for a minute and then
said, “I’m learning to live with it. I did what I should. But I never knew the
man. I lived with him for forty years and never knew him.”
I wonder how many have been attending
Christmas and Easter for forty years because they think they should, but they
have no relationship with the our Lord and Savior.
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A should is singular, Christmas is
plural. In the Christmas story, everything is plural. Angels, plural;
heavenly host, plural; shepherds, plural; wise men, plural; the holy family,
plural. There is no such thing as private Christianity. If even the Savior
needed others at his birth, it is likely you are going to need others to
sustain you in your spiritual growth.
Which brings us back to Mary. The
angel said, “The Holy Spirit will come upon you.” Spirituality is a God
thing. It is the Holy Spirit coming upon us. Evelyn Underhill wrote “Our
spiritual life is God’s affair; because, whatever we may think to the contrary .
. it consists in being drawn, at his pace and in his way, to the place where he
wants us to be; not the place we fancied for ourselves.”
This Christmas God, through the Holy
Spirit, will come to you. The question is, will we be too busy to notice. What
it will take is putting our shoulds on the shelf, slowing down, being
still, and opening up. It is a God coming to us instead of us scrambling upward
to him. Christmas is a God thing. You cannot make it happen. What you can do is
slow down and stop and be ready when it happens.
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